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Hangover

So literally I can’t do anything today. Which is good. Perfect excuse for procrastination and more importantly doing stupid things like writing a blog.

I haven’t been this happy for the whole semester. Being alone again is perhaps the most intelligent thing I have ever done in this half of the year. Lots of growing up.

I don’t know wine also gives the same crappy taste in hangover. It was supposed to be … missish. At least I thought.

I love my new phone. It’s so cute. Buying it is perhaps the second most intelligent thing I have done in this half of the year. Kinda remind me of Japan… all those gorgeous phones.

I miss Shanghai. Junky crowded city that I know I can never live for life. Everything is so vain. But every so often I miss the smell of all those crap and the dirty yellow river. The river mom and I loved and drew our strengths from.

Urumqi is awesome too. The greatest attribution to its awesomeness is dad. He is just…great. Singing aloud in the house, talking funny and open-mindedly, obsessed with work. Everything I have ever wanted to be.

Brisbane is such a nice place for healing up. People here and I we are never on the same page but strangely it works out fine and makes me happy.

Otona no tame no zankoku dowa. What an awful book. One of the many things that I have zero tolerance for.

Going back to Japan has become a remote wish since I don’t know when.  I have somehow learned that things will come around when I don’t wish for them too hard. One of the bad habits you’ve picked up from me, he would probably say.

I miss my cousins too. They are so different and so good at what they are good at. Maybe at some point I fit into one of the characters they know as well, and that’s fine coz it’s probably good. Although deep down I know I am always such an outcast in every kind of way. Not every.

The point of keeping this blog. Every once in a while I’m interested in how I become what I have become of. It doesn’t tell much but there are traces. Being able to laugh at and be touched by oneself is a good thing. And I love the category regarding health and fit. I was once so cute.

Great friends. All those people that have made my day, month and year. Thanks for making sense to me out of all these volatility.

Having a hangover always feels like part of brain was chopped off. And I can just stare into nothingness for like forever. With mouth half open. The most wasted but peaceful way of passing time and getting old.

The paper window could never get poked through as I wasn’t born global:) like one of those new gen enterprises in textbook. I’m not worried anymore and I kinda enjoy not seeing everything so clear. Forming a self never comes easy and it’s still changing in major and minor bits everyday. And I’ve learned not to freak out my tiny little mind as I’m still counting on it for getting me through things.

Legendary Dean. The best guy I could ever be if I were a guy. That’s how you live your life, with all the strength, pain, twists, nonsense and luckily still an intact heart. And eyes of a tiger. My favorite part.

With part of brain chopped off, I never knew that I could be understanding many of the above things in this state of mind. I got hungry now.

Beautiful Loser

 

He wants to dream like a young man
With the wisdom of an old man
He wants his home and security
He wants to live like a sailor at sea

Beautiful loser
Where you gonna fall?
When you realize
You just can’t have it all

He’s your oldest and your best friend
If you need him, he’ll be there again
He’s always willing to be second-best
A perfect lodger, a perfect guest

Beautiful loser
Read it on the wall
And realize
You just can’t have it all
You can try, you can try, but you can’t have it all

He’ll never make any enemies, enemies, no
He won’t complain if he’s caught in a freeze
He’ll always ask, he’ll always say please

Beautiful loser
Never take it all
‘Cause it’s easier
And faster when you fall

You just don’t need it all
Just don’t need it all

not ready for the world

现在的自己只想缩成一团。但是我会勇敢地再走出来。

Pink

snackfood

我买了很多零食堆在桌上。很管用，每次看到心里就很安慰。

我想这大概是种resilience，是一种自己获取了某种backup和懂得如何react的心态。危机感不总知道是哪里来的，但在不同的时候有不同的解决方法。Good thing is 方法总能被发现，虽然有时用很长时间。

once upon a time